always

We HAVE ALL been there. Those days of sheer frustration. Things don’t always go as planned, in life, or in mommyhood. Take a deep breath because…. that’s OKAY.

Anyone who has had little ones knows there are days when the sun is shining through every inch of their skin like if they ate the sun, happy as can be. Then .. there’s those days where they can be compared to a crawling, walking, babbling miniature gremlins. BUT HEY we all have our good and bad days !! Sometimes I really don’t know how I am going to get through the day or hold myself together long enough for Hayli’s dad to come home and have some actual human interaction besides baby talk babbling and “Finding Dory”.

DISCLAIMER: I love my daughter, more than anyone else in this world. I want nothing but the best for her and I want nothing more then to be the best mommy to her! I am more than sure there a few of you can relate !

 

ON THOSE DAYS

On those days where I am holding on to every last ounce of my patience for dear life

 

I just think how she needs me more than ever now, as she is  learning, growing and she needs the reassurance that someone is there. MOM is here, and always will be. No matter how many things I need to get done, how much of a mess my house is or how much of a break I need for myself, if she needs me, I will drop everything for her. Whether its a tantrum now, at her first school game, her first fall off of a bike, her first heartbreak, for ANYTHING I am here.

I am the one who will teach her what love, patience, and comfort is, well her dad and I. For now, I am with her all day, every day. These are the moments that I am going to cherish for the rest of my days. Its important to STOP and live the moment with her.

CRAWL around with your babies, play hide and seek, do things THEY LOVE. Get down to their level, into their little WORLD. You have no idea how much they need that, to feel like you are there for the good as much as the bad. And how much they will LOVE it.

 

I crawled with Hayli the other day, (Yes i got down and spent half an hour chasing her around the house, and letting her chase me) you have no IDEA how much that little girl laughed, and how excited she was.

Yesterday Hayli girl was sleeping so peacefully in her crib after having a rough afternoon, I couldn’t help myself but to get in with her. She woke a few minutes later when she heard her dad come home, but she woke up to me. She did a whole double take, like if she couldn’t believe it and just started laughing and hugging me. She wont remember that one day, she probably already forgot. I didn’t, I never will.

But the feeling of joy that gave her, will ALWAYS be there. And one day she will be able to understand more than she does now, that for anything she can come to her momma.

 

 

Postpartum Depression and Hair

Its been quite awhile since I last posted, took a bit of a breather from everything almost. Sometimes natural disasters have their way of putting people where they belong. In my case, Hurricane Irma just sucked, moved my life around a bit but couldn’t get me out of the keys 😋

After pregnancy and giving birth, I felt like I had lost myself. Got caught in what seemed to be like somewhat of a postpartum depression. I didn’t care what I looked like, I would forget to eat, or shower, everything was about the new baby, and I put myself last on the list. I felt like I didn’t have an identity anymore. I was just a mom, and I didn’t matter. My life was turning into a blur. I loved being a mom, it’s all I’d ever wanted. I would wake up and just experience the same cycle, no one is ever prepared for the way your life changes. I mean, everyone tells you, but you don’t really fully grasp what they say until you experience it for yourself. The highs and the lows. Your heart has never felt such love, your life has never seen such a beautiful reason, but your body has never felt such aches and pains, and your mind has never been so anxious and an emotional carnival. I lost sight of myself and I noticed it was taking a toll on everything. On me, my daughter, my relationship, my whole life really. People don’t realize how serious postpartum can get. Until one day I woke up and realized It was enough, I had to snap the fuck outta that one, make a change, and commit. And the only way I was going to begin acting the way my mind was thinking. It was the best way I know how to refresh myself, the woman’s right of passage into figuring out who they are, I died my hair. From my natural dirty blonde hair, I went to really, really blonde. I kept looking at myself in the mirror and kept thinking, blondes are too nice. DISCLAIMER I’m naturally a blonde and I want to return to blonde one day. I have nothing whatsoever against blondes. But it makes me the nice girl; it’s impossible for me to have made that change being an innocent, blonde. I mean, my mind, my body was asking for something a bit more drastic. so I went red. Fire bomb red, take no shit red, cliche as it sounds, my life changed all over again the moment I looked in the mirror after I saw my new look.

Since then I died it down to a wine red, but a change of scenery, if you will, was all I needed. Well that and ofcourse my heavy addiction to coffee to keep me awake throughout my daily adventures with my not so little baby girl.

I give it to you moms, who have dealt with, and are dealing with postpartum, sometimes it’s not as easy as just dying your hair, or taking a day off. It’s some serious business and I hope you each find your own healthy outlet to get you back to yourself !! As women we are strong and if we can deal with our children, pregnancy, child birth, and our husbands, we can get over any other obstacles! 💪🏻