Pregnancy is a magical time in your life where a gallon of coffee is NEEDED but a cup a day is ‘safe’ and you wish you were filled with taco’s instead of emotions.
In the begining, brushing your teeth is something you dread because it’s instant morning sickness.
between the insomnia, heartburn, and an uncomfortable bulging belly who can sleep? Practice for the new baby some say? Me? Im not so sure.
Your dreams are on LSD. You can barely remember what you just did or what you were about to do. Who new pregnancy was just a long trip?
Sleep? That bitch ditched me.
So you stare at your husband jealous as hell and inconspicuously wake him up to suffer with you. Even though you’ll still lose because there is not enough darkness to put you to sleep at night but once you FINAALLY get comfortable enough to sleep, you have to pee! 🙂 And then sleep all day, ofcourse.
And then there’s .. wait for it…
PREGNANCY BRAIN
that will have you opening your front door with your car alarm, and losing your shit trying to find your phone, when it’s in your hand! 😀 (isn’t that fun?)
When your uncontrollable bladder is the only productive part of your body because you have to pee so you pee, and then after you pee you still have to pee, but you can’t pee.. because you just peed. YEAH THAT JUST HAPPENED. about 70 times a day.
OH YEAH! And once you’re in your 3rd trimester, DON’T SNEEZE unless you don’t mind peeing yourself a little at the same time.
The best part, after awhile, you can’t see your own lady parts anymore. And your skin, is no longer your friend because you will be wanting to scratch yourself like a cat with fleas but if you do… stretch marks so you sit there and get bullied by your own damn skin.
and ohhh the HORMONES!
When you can’t tell if it’s the pregnancy making you a bitch, or if you have a valid reason for your behavior. Because one second you’re a fun, loving woman who hugs her man like a teddy bear and in the blink of an eye, he turns into a disgusting roach that you can’t stand and need gone ^_^ or crying because Mcdonalds is all out of Sweet and Sour sauce so you feel like the world is plotting against you for sure, especially with that notorious broken ice cream machine!!
And you can’t forget the hunger! So tired of physically eating but you just can’t get enough of stuffing your face with anything that you can possibly think of. And those cravings that plague your husband in the middle of the night.. every night, and once he gets smart enough to start buying your cravings ahead of time, they change! :)) nauseous because your hungry buuut also can’t eat because guess what?! Nauseous. Or running to your neighbors house, 3 blocks away because whatever they are making, smells delish.
And to think that after all that chaos, you will feel weird to not be pregnant after you have your baby … the best part, YOUR AFTER BABY BODY like RIGHT AFTER will not last the swelling goes down and the burning stops. Life will be good again! SOON!!
misskeyzee 