Postpartum Depression and Hair

Its been quite awhile since I last posted, took a bit of a breather from everything almost. Sometimes natural disasters have their way of putting people where they belong. In my case, Hurricane Irma just sucked, moved my life around a bit but couldn’t get me out of the keys 😋

After pregnancy and giving birth, I felt like I had lost myself. Got caught in what seemed to be like somewhat of a postpartum depression. I didn’t care what I looked like, I would forget to eat, or shower, everything was about the new baby, and I put myself last on the list. I felt like I didn’t have an identity anymore. I was just a mom, and I didn’t matter. My life was turning into a blur. I loved being a mom, it’s all I’d ever wanted. I would wake up and just experience the same cycle, no one is ever prepared for the way your life changes. I mean, everyone tells you, but you don’t really fully grasp what they say until you experience it for yourself. The highs and the lows. Your heart has never felt such love, your life has never seen such a beautiful reason, but your body has never felt such aches and pains, and your mind has never been so anxious and an emotional carnival. I lost sight of myself and I noticed it was taking a toll on everything. On me, my daughter, my relationship, my whole life really. People don’t realize how serious postpartum can get. Until one day I woke up and realized It was enough, I had to snap the fuck outta that one, make a change, and commit. And the only way I was going to begin acting the way my mind was thinking. It was the best way I know how to refresh myself, the woman’s right of passage into figuring out who they are, I died my hair. From my natural dirty blonde hair, I went to really, really blonde. I kept looking at myself in the mirror and kept thinking, blondes are too nice. DISCLAIMER I’m naturally a blonde and I want to return to blonde one day. I have nothing whatsoever against blondes. But it makes me the nice girl; it’s impossible for me to have made that change being an innocent, blonde. I mean, my mind, my body was asking for something a bit more drastic. so I went red. Fire bomb red, take no shit red, cliche as it sounds, my life changed all over again the moment I looked in the mirror after I saw my new look.

Since then I died it down to a wine red, but a change of scenery, if you will, was all I needed. Well that and ofcourse my heavy addiction to coffee to keep me awake throughout my daily adventures with my not so little baby girl.

I give it to you moms, who have dealt with, and are dealing with postpartum, sometimes it’s not as easy as just dying your hair, or taking a day off. It’s some serious business and I hope you each find your own healthy outlet to get you back to yourself !! As women we are strong and if we can deal with our children, pregnancy, child birth, and our husbands, we can get over any other obstacles! 💪🏻

Leaving your baby behind ?

When is it still too soon to leave your baby with a sitter or family member to go and have some fun of your own?

 

This weekend my boyfriend and I left our daughter with her grandmother and we went to Orlando with our friends. When he first told me about his plans to take a mini vacation to Orlando, my heart sank and I couldn’t help but look at Hayli and cry of guilt. I felt so guilty because I had never left her anywhere before, not even for an hour, how could I leave her for a whole weekend? Nobody other than my boyfriend knows her schedule, it’s just been us the past four months, I was terrified to leave her behind and be four hours away.

Dropping her off wasn’t easy AT ALL. I felt like she knew something was up, her dad and I sat on either side of her on the ride to drop her off and she just kept looking from me, to him, back to me, and back to him again. She had to have known! Ofcourse when we got there my mom was already waiting for her outside as exited as could be.

Driving off was the WEIRDEST feeling. After a year of being pregnant and after she was born, being with her every second if every day, it felt totally foreign to be without our little one. But it was for our own sanity to get out for awhile.

 

After a few facetime calls, and some theme parks, it was time to finally pick our baby up! When I got there on Monday morning, I was there in time to see her wake up, as soon as she saw me she gave me the biggest smile and I was so happy to have her with me again.

 

I won’t lie, it felt great to be young and reckless again for a couple of days, and take a breather from the baby. I wasn’t AS relaxed as I would have liked to have been because hello FIRST TIME MOM HERE and first time I left her anywhere, but I would feel comfortable doing it again in the future and probably be way more relaxed since I know she’ll be okay LOL!

I think its necessary to get time away from everything with your other half because, the way I see it, you had a baby together BECAUSE of your relationship. So why not take care of the relationship and get out for a bit? Any ways Hayli is waking up again so time to go 

Read at your own risk

Pregnancy is a magical time in your life where a gallon of coffee is NEEDED but a cup a day is ‘safe’ and you wish you were filled with taco’s instead of emotions.

In the begining, brushing your teeth is something you dread because it’s instant morning sickness.

between the insomnia, heartburn, and an uncomfortable bulging belly who can sleep? Practice for the new baby some say? Me? Im not so sure.

Your dreams are on LSD. You can barely remember what you just did or what you were about to do. Who new pregnancy was just a long trip?

Sleep? That bitch ditched me.

So you stare at your husband jealous as hell and inconspicuously wake him up to suffer with you. Even though you’ll still lose because there is not enough darkness to put you to sleep at night but once you FINAALLY get comfortable enough to sleep, you have to pee! 🙂 And then sleep all day, ofcourse.

And then there’s .. wait for it…

PREGNANCY BRAIN

that will have you opening your front door with your car alarm, and losing your shit trying to find your phone, when it’s in your hand! 😀 (isn’t that fun?)

When your uncontrollable bladder is the only productive part of your body because you have to pee so you pee, and then after you pee you still have to pee, but you can’t pee.. because you just peed. YEAH THAT JUST HAPPENED. about 70 times a day.

OH YEAH! And once you’re in your 3rd trimester, DON’T SNEEZE unless you don’t mind peeing yourself a little at the same time.

The best part, after awhile, you can’t see your own lady parts anymore. And your skin, is no longer your friend because you will be wanting to scratch yourself like a cat with fleas but if you do… stretch marks so you sit there and get bullied by your own damn skin.

and ohhh the HORMONES!

When you can’t tell if it’s the pregnancy making you a bitch, or if you have a valid reason for your behavior. Because one second you’re a fun, loving woman who hugs her man like a teddy bear and in the blink of an eye, he turns into a disgusting roach that you can’t stand and need gone ^_^ or crying because Mcdonalds is all out of Sweet and Sour sauce so you feel like the world is plotting against you for sure, especially with that notorious broken ice cream machine!!

And you can’t forget the hunger! So tired of physically eating but you just can’t get enough of stuffing your face with anything that you can possibly think of. And those cravings that plague your husband in the middle of the night.. every night, and once he gets smart enough to start buying your cravings ahead of time, they change! :)) nauseous because your hungry buuut also can’t eat because guess what?! Nauseous. Or running to your neighbors house, 3 blocks away because whatever they are making, smells delish.

And to think that after all that chaos, you will feel weird to not be pregnant after you have your baby … the best part, YOUR AFTER BABY BODY like RIGHT AFTER will not last the swelling goes down and the burning stops. Life will be good again! SOON!!