always

We HAVE ALL been there. Those days of sheer frustration. Things don’t always go as planned, in life, or in mommyhood. Take a deep breath because…. that’s OKAY.

Anyone who has had little ones knows there are days when the sun is shining through every inch of their skin like if they ate the sun, happy as can be. Then .. there’s those days where they can be compared to a crawling, walking, babbling miniature gremlins. BUT HEY we all have our good and bad days !! Sometimes I really don’t know how I am going to get through the day or hold myself together long enough for Hayli’s dad to come home and have some actual human interaction besides baby talk babbling and “Finding Dory”.

DISCLAIMER: I love my daughter, more than anyone else in this world. I want nothing but the best for her and I want nothing more then to be the best mommy to her! I am more than sure there a few of you can relate !

 

ON THOSE DAYS

On those days where I am holding on to every last ounce of my patience for dear life

 

I just think how she needs me more than ever now, as she is  learning, growing and she needs the reassurance that someone is there. MOM is here, and always will be. No matter how many things I need to get done, how much of a mess my house is or how much of a break I need for myself, if she needs me, I will drop everything for her. Whether its a tantrum now, at her first school game, her first fall off of a bike, her first heartbreak, for ANYTHING I am here.

I am the one who will teach her what love, patience, and comfort is, well her dad and I. For now, I am with her all day, every day. These are the moments that I am going to cherish for the rest of my days. Its important to STOP and live the moment with her.

CRAWL around with your babies, play hide and seek, do things THEY LOVE. Get down to their level, into their little WORLD. You have no idea how much they need that, to feel like you are there for the good as much as the bad. And how much they will LOVE it.

 

I crawled with Hayli the other day, (Yes i got down and spent half an hour chasing her around the house, and letting her chase me) you have no IDEA how much that little girl laughed, and how excited she was.

Yesterday Hayli girl was sleeping so peacefully in her crib after having a rough afternoon, I couldn’t help myself but to get in with her. She woke a few minutes later when she heard her dad come home, but she woke up to me. She did a whole double take, like if she couldn’t believe it and just started laughing and hugging me. She wont remember that one day, she probably already forgot. I didn’t, I never will.

But the feeling of joy that gave her, will ALWAYS be there. And one day she will be able to understand more than she does now, that for anything she can come to her momma.

 

 

DAYCARE? DO OR DONT

I have to admit, Ive been lucky. Since my pregnancy I really, havent worked. As soon as the baby was born I was a stay at home mom, and I LOVE IT! Recently, I was feeling a bit crazy being stuck in the house with no form of my own income so I set out to find a job. My only dilemma…DAYCARE. What a nightmare of a thought, my little girl basically being raised by someone else with other kids of her age and who knows if she was going to get the attention and care she so much needs. While I was checking out a daycare in the area, the Administrator offered me a position in the daycare, along with schooling to get certified! I was so happy, a job that I can see and spend time with my Hayli all day?! WHILE going to school?! UM WHERE DO I SIGN?!

About two weeks into working at the daycare, I started realizing a few things, a few…red flags. ALOT happens in daycares and it happens QUICK! Kids are miniature Houdini’s with their size to their advantage! It isnt the teachers fault all the time things REALLY DO happen in the matter of a few seconds. Granted, when you have 10 one year olds all under your care at once, its pretty difficult to keep your eyes on them ALL while you are trying to keep every diaper clean, the classroom in order and trying to get some form of knowledge into them whether its counting or colors! 

Teachers DO pick favorites and some kids DO get special treatment. As much as they deny it it, IT HAPPENS. Sometimes because of the parents, kids get treated differently. ITS NOT FAIR. And it sucks because we believe we’re putting our kids somewhere fair, safe and healthy but these ages is where most behavioral issues begin! 

It is great on the fact that some teachers DO teach. They do their part the best to their abilities to teach the kids at their level and kids DO learn. In that aspect, its great, 

I did love it when I started, but I noticed a few things that I really didnt like, especially with my own daughter involved I wasnt going to stay and watch. I mean there wasnt ONE DAY that Hayli didnt come home with a new scratch, bitemark, or bruise, or SOMETHING. I understand things happen but I’ve taken care of her for almost a year at home and she’s only had 1 major diaper rash. The day she got in there until now 2 weeks later is when its finally healing. She is picking up behaviors of the other kids, becoming a MAJOR BRAT and I do not want to deal with a huge brat at the age of 1. She is like a whole new baby I miss my nice little girl!! 

Im not all that sure if it all weighs out for me. So now, Im back home! Considering maybe taking Hayli to another daycare and working OR trying to find my own way to make money right here at home, with my girl.  

I see these mommy bloggers making what seems like tons of money from home doing what they love! What is the secret?! I just want to be able to make some type of income while taking care of my home, hubby and baby! How do moms get these brand rep and ambassador gigs?! How can I start a successfull youtube channel?! I have so many questions!!!

 

Postpartum Depression and Hair

Its been quite awhile since I last posted, took a bit of a breather from everything almost. Sometimes natural disasters have their way of putting people where they belong. In my case, Hurricane Irma just sucked, moved my life around a bit but couldn’t get me out of the keys 😋

After pregnancy and giving birth, I felt like I had lost myself. Got caught in what seemed to be like somewhat of a postpartum depression. I didn’t care what I looked like, I would forget to eat, or shower, everything was about the new baby, and I put myself last on the list. I felt like I didn’t have an identity anymore. I was just a mom, and I didn’t matter. My life was turning into a blur. I loved being a mom, it’s all I’d ever wanted. I would wake up and just experience the same cycle, no one is ever prepared for the way your life changes. I mean, everyone tells you, but you don’t really fully grasp what they say until you experience it for yourself. The highs and the lows. Your heart has never felt such love, your life has never seen such a beautiful reason, but your body has never felt such aches and pains, and your mind has never been so anxious and an emotional carnival. I lost sight of myself and I noticed it was taking a toll on everything. On me, my daughter, my relationship, my whole life really. People don’t realize how serious postpartum can get. Until one day I woke up and realized It was enough, I had to snap the fuck outta that one, make a change, and commit. And the only way I was going to begin acting the way my mind was thinking. It was the best way I know how to refresh myself, the woman’s right of passage into figuring out who they are, I died my hair. From my natural dirty blonde hair, I went to really, really blonde. I kept looking at myself in the mirror and kept thinking, blondes are too nice. DISCLAIMER I’m naturally a blonde and I want to return to blonde one day. I have nothing whatsoever against blondes. But it makes me the nice girl; it’s impossible for me to have made that change being an innocent, blonde. I mean, my mind, my body was asking for something a bit more drastic. so I went red. Fire bomb red, take no shit red, cliche as it sounds, my life changed all over again the moment I looked in the mirror after I saw my new look.

Since then I died it down to a wine red, but a change of scenery, if you will, was all I needed. Well that and ofcourse my heavy addiction to coffee to keep me awake throughout my daily adventures with my not so little baby girl.

I give it to you moms, who have dealt with, and are dealing with postpartum, sometimes it’s not as easy as just dying your hair, or taking a day off. It’s some serious business and I hope you each find your own healthy outlet to get you back to yourself !! As women we are strong and if we can deal with our children, pregnancy, child birth, and our husbands, we can get over any other obstacles! 💪🏻

2 much going on!

Im horrible I haven’t posted in days 😦 So heres a few things

So thankful my mom was able to watch Hayli during our mini-vacay last weekend but lord I can tell she didn’t put her down for 1 second! This baby has had some serious issues with being put down for even the SLIGHTEST of moments WTF! (Sorry mom) She was NEVER like this!!! Trying to get her back to normal has proven its difficulty and I just wonder how some moms do it when they have babies that HAVE to be in there arms 24/7! HOW DO YOU DO IT?!

Well this weekend Hayli’s big brother Damian is here!! And there’s HORRIBLE weather so we’ve been hunkering down in this houseboat watching movies and laughing at Youtube videos all day. I’ll never get over how kids now a days know their ENTIRE way around Youtube! I can literally give him my phone and he’ll get on Youtube and find his favorite Spiderman videos, same goes for his cousin Khloe she does the same thing! LOL I can barely ever find what Im looking for on Youtube WTH!!? I need them to teach me a few things! I love how when he is here, the house finally feels full, in a sense of family, there’s nothing missing when he is here. Full bed, full kitchen table, full smiles. I don’t think I will EVER get over watching Hayli and Damian, he has always been a trip, but it is SO funny when Hayli is screaming crying next to me and he tells me.. she is crying! This has only just begun and I cannot wait to watch them grow up together. All she does is look at him and smile and giggle. When he’s not in sight she will literally look for him she is in love with her big brother and Im in love with that. ❤

HALLOWEEN is almost here ya’ll and I cannot contain myself! I have 2 costume ideas for Hayli and cannot decide from Minnie Mouse OR giant Strawberry!! LMFAO on second thought…saying that out loud… I think I know which one Im going to go with.. Hopefully next year we have Damian for Halloween! Leo and I want to do a whole family themed costumes we’re thinking Peter Pan, Cpt Hook, Tinker, and Wendy, The Incredible’s or Superhero’s which Im pretty sure Damian would be more into the Superheros but it depends mostly on what he’ll be into a year from now 🙂

OKOK BABY FOOD!

I almost have everything checked off on my list to have Hayli try before I start making her homemade puree’s! I wanted to buy them and try little by little what she would like, instead of making it and having to throw anything away in the case she wouldn’t like it or have any allergic reaction. So Im looking for recipe’s and will be posting what I (try) to make and how it goes! Although my Cuban mother and grandmother will probably be sending me tons of puree, I want to make some of my own 🙂 If there are any suggestions or if you want me to try them before you do, send me a message and I  will be more than willing to try it out! Well I have to clean the house and make dinner since both kids are asleep its perfect time to do that pretty peacefully

In the next couple days I will be posting baby food recipe’s and the outcomes!!

Comment or message me any ideas!!!

Read at your own risk

Pregnancy is a magical time in your life where a gallon of coffee is NEEDED but a cup a day is ‘safe’ and you wish you were filled with taco’s instead of emotions.

In the begining, brushing your teeth is something you dread because it’s instant morning sickness.

between the insomnia, heartburn, and an uncomfortable bulging belly who can sleep? Practice for the new baby some say? Me? Im not so sure.

Your dreams are on LSD. You can barely remember what you just did or what you were about to do. Who new pregnancy was just a long trip?

Sleep? That bitch ditched me.

So you stare at your husband jealous as hell and inconspicuously wake him up to suffer with you. Even though you’ll still lose because there is not enough darkness to put you to sleep at night but once you FINAALLY get comfortable enough to sleep, you have to pee! 🙂 And then sleep all day, ofcourse.

And then there’s .. wait for it…

PREGNANCY BRAIN

that will have you opening your front door with your car alarm, and losing your shit trying to find your phone, when it’s in your hand! 😀 (isn’t that fun?)

When your uncontrollable bladder is the only productive part of your body because you have to pee so you pee, and then after you pee you still have to pee, but you can’t pee.. because you just peed. YEAH THAT JUST HAPPENED. about 70 times a day.

OH YEAH! And once you’re in your 3rd trimester, DON’T SNEEZE unless you don’t mind peeing yourself a little at the same time.

The best part, after awhile, you can’t see your own lady parts anymore. And your skin, is no longer your friend because you will be wanting to scratch yourself like a cat with fleas but if you do… stretch marks so you sit there and get bullied by your own damn skin.

and ohhh the HORMONES!

When you can’t tell if it’s the pregnancy making you a bitch, or if you have a valid reason for your behavior. Because one second you’re a fun, loving woman who hugs her man like a teddy bear and in the blink of an eye, he turns into a disgusting roach that you can’t stand and need gone ^_^ or crying because Mcdonalds is all out of Sweet and Sour sauce so you feel like the world is plotting against you for sure, especially with that notorious broken ice cream machine!!

And you can’t forget the hunger! So tired of physically eating but you just can’t get enough of stuffing your face with anything that you can possibly think of. And those cravings that plague your husband in the middle of the night.. every night, and once he gets smart enough to start buying your cravings ahead of time, they change! :)) nauseous because your hungry buuut also can’t eat because guess what?! Nauseous. Or running to your neighbors house, 3 blocks away because whatever they are making, smells delish.

And to think that after all that chaos, you will feel weird to not be pregnant after you have your baby … the best part, YOUR AFTER BABY BODY like RIGHT AFTER will not last the swelling goes down and the burning stops. Life will be good again! SOON!!